Back From ER

After spending most of the day at the ER we are home.

I talked hubby in to letting me go to church this morning, I was feeling better and went in Speedy, that's my pet name for my wheel chair.

I was feeling OK until we pulled in the driveway and without any warning, my left arm went numb and limp. I could not move it. I started slurring my speech and drooling. Then my uncontrollable tremors started so hubby went straight to ER.

Not surprisingly, the doc didn't know much more than the others. He stopped the tremors with iv Ativan and sent me home with a prescription for it.All he said was I was having neurological tremors and the numbness can be caused by severe stress on your body.I feel better now, I'm medicated too and the tremors have stopped.

The walker has been taken away from me because I fell in the kitchen after getting back. So I am stuck with Speedy for now.

I will be honest and say I'm so scared,I have lost control of my body and I never know when it will hit.The scary part is I don't know what is wrong with me. If I just knew, I could come up with a plan and do what I needed to do to get over or through it. That's how my mind works. But I guess God has a different plan and wants me to trust Him completely but that is so very hard for me.

It breaks my heart that my kids are having to watch me lose control of my body and it really scares them.

I try to hide the fear and be strong for all of them because I know they are worried, especially my mom and she can't get out of bed to take care of me and I can't imagine how hard that is on her.

It's when I am alone that the fear takes over and the tears fall and I let it all out to God. It's strange but even when I'm scared and can't stop the tears I still feel like Jesus has me safely wrapped in His arms.

Please pray that I can get some rest and sleep tonight. Please pray for my family, hubby is so exhausted and I think he's coming down with something.

Mom has a doctors appointment tomorrow and I will be here with the kids for a couple of hours by myself, which worries me a little because I can't stand not being able to take care of them like I always have. But I guess if we can keep the tremors under control we can ride around in Speedy until the grown ups get back and put me back to bed. :)

Well speaking of adults I have just been ordered to put the phone up and take my meds and go to bed. I better do it because if they take my phone I will surely lose my mind.