Wednesday, March 23, 2011

My "Off Beat Marriage"

If you are interested in finding out more about my family, you can check out an article that Gleen wrote on her blog Off Beat Marriage about us. She is a great writer and I was privileged that she wanted to interview me for an article.
Thanks Glee!

Tuesday, March 22, 2011

Something Special to Me & Wearing Red for Ruby Tuesdays

                                   My silly little girl. She puts the
red in my world!

                                                                Join Mary for Ruby Tuesdays.


Sunday, March 20, 2011

Straight from the Heart Sunday's

I have to admit, being sick and in bed for weeks on end really makes me treasure every single second when I am well and able to do things with my family.
We have done so much as a family this past week. I have been able to help my husband with the kitchen project I started 3 weeks ago. I was in bed and could not use my hands so that project had to wait. We finally have most of it finished and I LOVE my new kitchen. It wasn't a big remodel, just a little paint, creativity, and a bright new back splash. I love it when I get to accomplish and complete projects.

We went to church together as a family and it was great. There is always that missing part, my mom. It's getting better, I can finally see the light shining through what has been a very dark 6 and a half months. I think it helps that we are redoing some things around the house. I can't explain really why but I guess it helps me to not see her in every room if things are different. I miss her from the depths of my soul and I'm finally feeling a connection to her for the first time. I know she would want me to go on with my life and she taught me to be the best mom. Everything I know about being a mother I learned from her. So her legacy lives on in what I teach my children. I find that to be very comforting.

                                                 Before- while we were doing the prep work.
                                                        Painters tape- my best friend.


     My baby using the paint sprayer, it's one of my favorite things, c
cuts painting time in half.

 Our back splash, love the colors.

Completed back splash

 The ugly brown wood is GONE!

Didn't know I would be posting these or I would have tidied up. :)

It's nothing fancy but I've never had a kitchen that I could make my own, so I'm over the moon about it!
I'm finally finding my footing again, not to say there won't be bad days but I'm gonna be ok.

I miss you Mama, thanks for all the lessons you taught me!

Friday, March 18, 2011


Five ?'s for Friday
 1.What’s something you have an unreasonable fear of?
Losing my husband and kids. I'm obsessed with the thought that something will happen to them.

2.What’s something you have an unreasonable fondness for?
Brightly colored finger nail polish, the wilder the color the more fondness for it.

3.What’s something you have an unreasonable disliking for?

4.Who’s most likely to bring out the unreasonable in you?
Anyone who mistreats my husband and/or children.

5.Who’s the least unreasonable person you know?
That would have to be me. : )

Hop on over and join in.

Thursday, March 17, 2011

Thursday 13

I  decided not to do anything related to St. Patty's day because I just have to be different. ;)


13 Things you may not know about me.

1. I have a yellow rose tattoo on my left shoulder in memory of my father. We both love yellow roses and I did not know that was his favorite flower until he died and my uncle asked me what my fav flower was so we could put them on his casket. I told him I had one but would prefer to put Daddy's fav flower on there and he said it was yellow roses, so I got the tattoo a few months later.

2. I kill plants. It's not pre-meditated. I just can never figure out if they need water or not. So I usually starve them or drown them.

3. I never planned nor wanted to be a stay at home mom. When my son was born I couldn't imagine leaving him with anyone else so it just worked out that way. Now that he is almost 7, I'm glad I was blessed enough to be able to stay at home.

4. I got my nose pierced recently but I had a really bad sinus infection and kept rubbing my nose. I had to take it out for two days and it grew up. :(

5. I got married in Vegas.

6. When I had my daughter I was put to sleep and they took my daughter out and my gallbladder at the same time. I had gallstones and they had to take her 6 weeks early because of it. But she was fine, beautiful healthy little girl. Thank God.

7. Purple is my fav color. I would drown my house in it if my husband would let me. We have to comprise on that.

8. I have no sensor between my brain and mouth. I keep working on it with no success.

9. I met my husband online a little over 10 yrs ago. It was on ICQ. He lived in Los Angeles and I in KY. I moved there for 2 years and then he moved here (KY)  and we have been here for about 6 yrs.

10. I'm directional challenged. Couldn't read a map if my life depended on it.

11. I'm hooked on the reality shows on MTV. It's a secret of mine, guess it's out now.

12. I finally learned to drive a 5 speed at 30 years old.

13. Been married almost 8 yrs and my husband is still the funniest, kindest, gentlest man I know.

Wednesday, March 16, 2011

Ten on Tuesday, Ten Things I'm Looking Forward To.

Ten Things I'm Looking Forward to this Spring and Summer

1. My Little Man turning 7 at the end of April.

2. Teaching him how to ride a bike this summer.

3.  Seeking and obtaining a closer relationship with God through this Lenton season.

4. Watching my beautiful Little Miss learn Ballet.

5. Spending time with my husband while he is out of work, he makes me laugh harder than anyone I have ever met. It's good to laugh these days.

6. Spring cleaning, ok I don't look forward to the cleaning but I do look forward to the results.

7. My best friend having her first baby in April, can't wait to know what it is, it will be a surprise.

8. My husband getting a job, I know he will get one and I have faith it will be soon. More than even finacially he is ready to go back to work and really needs to feel like he is accomplishing more than just being here all the time.

9. Teaching both my kids how to swim.

10. My Godson coming to visit this summer.
Anything you are looking forward to?

Friday, March 4, 2011

It's one Hell of a Process

It's funny how things sneak up on you. There have been a lot of things I just have not thought about since Mama died. I think I was blocking all of it because I was not ready to deal with it. Well I guess my brain thinks I'm ready now because today while I was standing in the shower it all came flooding back. None of this had even crossed my mind since Mama died.

Three weeks before Mama died Jose and I had to fly to NE because Jose's dad had to have his leg amputated due to problems with his diabetes. We took Rissa and stayed two weeks. So we were only back home a week before she died. There were no signs, or were there?

I know she had started back to rehab full force while we were gone, it dawned on me in the shower, maybe that was too much for her and caused her to have a heart attack.
I wasn't here to make her slow down, to make sure she was taking her meds on schedule.

While I haven't admitted this to many, I saw signs I think but ignored them. Her doctor said she was fine but she kept losing weight and wasn't eating well. Not really sick as in dying or it did not appear so at the time but in my gut I knew something wasn't right. Why didn't I just trust it, push the doctors to do more tests. She was my responsibility, Kim wasn't here so she was my responsibility and I failed her. I failed her so many times. I just need 5 min so I can tell her how very sorry I am.
But once they are gone you don't get 5 min. You can't make things right and I guess you can't beat yourself up for all the things you didn't do. It will just take me a while to process all of this and get to that point where I don't feel guilty.