Date night and boy am I excited about it!!!
Pray
1 hour ago
Friday, November 13, 2009
Thursday, November 12, 2009
My Venting Place
Ok, so three days a week I work at Roo's school. Two half days I work in Pre-school and the rest of the time I work in the office.
They have all known that I have seizures, from the pastor to the teacher to the principal, who I might add, held me in her arms a few weeks back while I had one.
Today was a different story. Today we were in the gym with the pre-schoolers and they were dancing and running around. I usually sit down as not to over do it. The teacher came up and told me I needed to participate, she knew why I was sitting down we had the whole talk weeks before school began.
So I did, I walked around the circle with them and did some little dances. Then I sat down. Well I could feel the seizure coming on and tried to call out to one of the other teachers (there were 3 other teachers and only 9 kids). I called out to one of the teachers aids and she looked right at me but continued to go around with the kids in a circle. My hands and arms were trembling at this point. Then I kind of zoned out but see all the kids walking out of the gym with all three teachers. Here I am by myself about to go into full seizure mode.
They left, I can't believe they all three left. Yeah the teacher called the office to see if someone could come and sit with me from the other building.
Anyway, I came out of the fog and catch my breath, the computer teacher who is awesome was sitting with me. I felt tired but was able to get up and go back down stairs. I sat for a little while in the churh secretary's office. Then went to the pre-k office before I even got in the door good the teacher told me she was sorry about my seizures but she could not keep me around the children because my seizures were a part of my world and not the kids world.
I AGREE. However, she has always been fully aware of all my medical problems and we have talked about a plan of what to do if I had a seizure and I have even had a seizure before but we have always removed the kids or myself before the kids could see. The kids did not see anything today.
My first priority is the kids also. My own kids have never seen me have one and I pray they never do.
Here are the things that bother me about all that happened today.
One, they left me alone and called someone from the other building over to sit with me when one of the three of them could have stayed. I mean I know these ladies, have worked and worshipped with them and they could not sit with me for a few minutes.
Two, the teacher told me she no longer wanted me to be her aide in front of the other aids right after I semi-recovered from the seizure. I wish she would have waited or sat me down one on one.
Three, I'm just upset and want to crawl into bed and not come out. I hate having these damn seizures(I'm sorry if I offend anyone with that but I just told God the same thing so no use censoring it now), I hate not being able to control my own body. I hate everything about my condition. I hate even more that others know about it and that I was probably the talk of the pre-school teachers today. I don't want their pity or anything else except for maybe a little compassion. None of the aids even spoke to me after I went back in. It's just hurtful.
The good thing about this is that while I love working with the kids, right now, I prefer the office. It does not wear me out as much and I like the people I work with in there a little better too being that I have already had a seizure in there and they made sure I was ok.
Maybe that was God's plan all along.
So I went and spoke to the principal and I will now be working three days in the office.
Ok I feel better now that I have come here and had my little cry and vent session.
Thank you all for reading :)
Leaving it here and moving on.
They have all known that I have seizures, from the pastor to the teacher to the principal, who I might add, held me in her arms a few weeks back while I had one.
Today was a different story. Today we were in the gym with the pre-schoolers and they were dancing and running around. I usually sit down as not to over do it. The teacher came up and told me I needed to participate, she knew why I was sitting down we had the whole talk weeks before school began.
So I did, I walked around the circle with them and did some little dances. Then I sat down. Well I could feel the seizure coming on and tried to call out to one of the other teachers (there were 3 other teachers and only 9 kids). I called out to one of the teachers aids and she looked right at me but continued to go around with the kids in a circle. My hands and arms were trembling at this point. Then I kind of zoned out but see all the kids walking out of the gym with all three teachers. Here I am by myself about to go into full seizure mode.
They left, I can't believe they all three left. Yeah the teacher called the office to see if someone could come and sit with me from the other building.
Anyway, I came out of the fog and catch my breath, the computer teacher who is awesome was sitting with me. I felt tired but was able to get up and go back down stairs. I sat for a little while in the churh secretary's office. Then went to the pre-k office before I even got in the door good the teacher told me she was sorry about my seizures but she could not keep me around the children because my seizures were a part of my world and not the kids world.
I AGREE. However, she has always been fully aware of all my medical problems and we have talked about a plan of what to do if I had a seizure and I have even had a seizure before but we have always removed the kids or myself before the kids could see. The kids did not see anything today.
My first priority is the kids also. My own kids have never seen me have one and I pray they never do.
Here are the things that bother me about all that happened today.
One, they left me alone and called someone from the other building over to sit with me when one of the three of them could have stayed. I mean I know these ladies, have worked and worshipped with them and they could not sit with me for a few minutes.
Two, the teacher told me she no longer wanted me to be her aide in front of the other aids right after I semi-recovered from the seizure. I wish she would have waited or sat me down one on one.
Three, I'm just upset and want to crawl into bed and not come out. I hate having these damn seizures(I'm sorry if I offend anyone with that but I just told God the same thing so no use censoring it now), I hate not being able to control my own body. I hate everything about my condition. I hate even more that others know about it and that I was probably the talk of the pre-school teachers today. I don't want their pity or anything else except for maybe a little compassion. None of the aids even spoke to me after I went back in. It's just hurtful.
The good thing about this is that while I love working with the kids, right now, I prefer the office. It does not wear me out as much and I like the people I work with in there a little better too being that I have already had a seizure in there and they made sure I was ok.
Maybe that was God's plan all along.
So I went and spoke to the principal and I will now be working three days in the office.
Ok I feel better now that I have come here and had my little cry and vent session.
Thank you all for reading :)
Leaving it here and moving on.
Tuesday, November 10, 2009
Who Am I ? (a little boy's loss)
I AM a mother who knelt by the toilet this afternoon with my very sensitive son as he was weeping as if his heart had been shattered into a thousand little pieces. All I had to do was look at that face and I was heartbroken and wept with him.
You see, he was heartbroken over losing Speedy, his goldfish that he only had a week. This is the first time he has had to deal with death. He kept saying "mommy, just make him move. Please mommy just make him swim again." I told him there was nothing more we could do for Speedy but say a pray for him. And we did.
I was heartbroken and weeping because I know this will not be the last time his life is touched by death of some sort. He will have to deal with death in this life and I wish I could just take all the pain from Speedy's death and all the future pain of ever losing anyone from him.
But that's not my job, my job is teaching my son WHO to take his pain to and WHO can take his pain away and give back peace and comfort in it's place.
Thank you Lord for being there with us when we walk through the valley of the shadow of death. You have been with me many many times down that road.
I pray that you will always be with my children when they have to deal with death throughout their lives. I also pray for your love and peace to surround those who have lost someone and will be missing them even more this Holiday Season. Wrap those families in your peace, give them your hope, pour out your healing love on them.
In Your Holy Name
Amen
You see, he was heartbroken over losing Speedy, his goldfish that he only had a week. This is the first time he has had to deal with death. He kept saying "mommy, just make him move. Please mommy just make him swim again." I told him there was nothing more we could do for Speedy but say a pray for him. And we did.
I was heartbroken and weeping because I know this will not be the last time his life is touched by death of some sort. He will have to deal with death in this life and I wish I could just take all the pain from Speedy's death and all the future pain of ever losing anyone from him.
But that's not my job, my job is teaching my son WHO to take his pain to and WHO can take his pain away and give back peace and comfort in it's place.
Thank you Lord for being there with us when we walk through the valley of the shadow of death. You have been with me many many times down that road.
I pray that you will always be with my children when they have to deal with death throughout their lives. I also pray for your love and peace to surround those who have lost someone and will be missing them even more this Holiday Season. Wrap those families in your peace, give them your hope, pour out your healing love on them.
In Your Holy Name
Amen
Sunday, November 8, 2009
Multitude Mondays
It's Monday and time to count our blessings and share them with others over at Holy Experience.
My symptoms have come raging back, I've had several seizures in the last couple of days and yet I have many blessings to give thanks for.
37-47
#37- My husband who never complains when he has to wait on me hand and foot when I get so sick I can't get out of bed.
#38- Hot relaxing bubble baths
#39- For the Lord's strength when teaching my kids hard lessons that I know they have to learn, but it's so hard not to just take them in my arms and give in.
#40- Indian food
#41- My aunt, who takes care of my children when I can not.
#42- Sunny Delight, I had forgotten just how good it is.
#43- Children who don't see skin color.
#44- Memories of lost loved ones.
#45- Fuzzy socks
#46- Mouse traps
#47- The ability to sit here and type this message, there are many days I can't even do that. I'm so very grateful the days I can.
If you would like to share your gifts with everyone, hop on over to Ann's.
Thursday, November 5, 2009
Thursday 13
Let's see, 13 things that are on my mind right now.
1. Goldie and Speedy, Roo won Goldie at the carnival so we had to buy a tank for him and all the things fish require. Today Roo decided he wanted Goldie to have a friend so Speedy joined our family today. At the next PTO meeting I am going to let them know that having Gold fish as a prize at the carnival is unfair to parents.
2. Foxy, our dog we rescued from a shelter about a month ago. She was just spayed and I have to take her to get her stiches out this week. Only problem is tomorrow is Friday so time is running out for me. (Toby is the one sleeping)
3. Teaching, I volunteer at Roo's school three days a week. I spend Thursday and Fridays with the preschool class until 11 and then I work in the office, sub for teachers. I do a little bit of everything. It's got me thinking about going back to school and get my teaching degree. I don't want to go back into social work while the kids are little. To stressful.
4. Christmas lights, I can't wait to get out all the decorations. I LOVE Christmas.
6. I can't get enough of this spunky, determined, free spirited child.
7. My Brown Eyed boy is always on my mind.
8. Recipes, I need to find more so that I cook more. I hate to cook. Hubby is a great cook. He cooks and I clean but I should do more cooking.
9. My Mom, she hasn't walked in two years and has given up. I constantly try to think of something I could do to get her motivated to atleast get up and in her wheel chair. This picture was taken last year, she has changed so much in such a short period of time. She doesn't look like the mom that raised me. I miss that person.
11. Randomness, I don't think that is a word but that is where this post is going. I'm all over the place. But that's how my mind works constantly.
12. Header, I should be working on a blog header for a blogger friend. I can't wait to get it done. Again, there are so many ideas floating around in my head I have to try and figure out which one I should run with.
13. Blogger Buddies, if you hung in there for all of this, you are awesome!
Wednesday, November 4, 2009
I Am Learning Lord
I did not write this but I could have and I'm sure many of you could have also. I thought by this time in my life I would know to give everything to God but I am still learning. Thank you Lord for being so patient with me.
I Am Learning, Lord
My life has taken many falls
And tumbles 'long the way.
The many trials have left me
In a sure state of dismay.
For with each trial, I tried alone
To tend, and soothe, and mend,
Instead of giving them to God -
And on Him just depend ...
But, I am learning, Lord.
It seems that I was determined
To carry all the load.
I longed for smoother pathways.
Yet, I walked a rocky road.
Little did I understand,
God waited patiently
To pave a new beginning
With a better life for me.
But, I am learning, Lord.
It took a real disaster
To bring me to my knees;
To finally call upon the Lord
And say, "God help me, please."
He can, with no delaying,
With strong arms that could hold -
The weight of all my burdens;
He gladly took the load.
And, I am learning, Lord.
What a needless cross I carried,
All because I could not see -
What a friend I have in Jesus,
And the love He has for me.
Peace I find when troubles hover,
Though' the outcome is unknown.
For if yet the road is rocky,
I won't walk it all alone.
For, I am learning, Lord.
- Author Unknown
Hope you all have a wonderful Thursday and thanks for stopping by my little home in blog land.
KEE
KEE
Who Am I ?
*I am a woman with a strange sense of humor.
*I am a woman who uses sarcasm most of the time.
*I am a best friend to an awesome red head who just got good news about the lump in her breast.
*I am a daughter who loves her mother and her aunt but it's been 11 months already and I want my house back.
*I am a daughter who feels guilty for just typing that.
*I am a mother who would do anything for her children, including dressing up to go to the school carnival because my son asked me to.
Tuesday, November 3, 2009
A Reminder of How I Want to Live
This was posted on Jan. 7th of this year. I found it while going through some posts on our family blog. It still hits home with me and though I haven't lived like I wanted to and expressed in this post, I have done better. When I wrote this I had no idea what 2009 would hold for my family. I hadn't a clue that I would get sick, that my mom and aunt would move in and mom would slowly start declining, or that my father in law would be faced with some serious health problems that aren't getting any better.
I was fairly sure that my best friends dad wouldn't make it, although I was hoping and praying the outcome would be different. This was written when I returned from Deb's house (6 hrs away), her dad was still in the hospital.
Tonight I am overcome with so many emotions.
The year has started and I know of several people who have lost someone in the last week or so. My heart aches for all who have lost someone they love and cherish.
My best friend, Deb, and her family may soon have to spend 2009 learning how to live without a beloved husband, father, grandfather, friend and all around American Hero.
Deb's dad is hanging on but the family is going through so very much right now. They are grieving the man they knew and loved for so many years. If he makes it, he may never be the same.
We aren't promised tomorrow but we are promised that God will walk the journey of grief or whatever road we may have to go down, even if He has to carry us.
Grief is such a very hard road.
We all grieve.
Whether it's a childhood lost, the ending of a marriage, having to let go of a dream, or the death of a loved one.
I'm in no way comparing these.
While there is nothing that can compare to facing the finality of losing someone you love, the process of grief is the same.
I've been down the road of grief many times and my heart aches for those who are starting or continuing the journey of grief this year.
I am reminded every day to squeeze every bit of life out of every moment. I want everyone in my life to know how very much I love and appreciate them. I never want to have to face another casket with a list of things I wish I had said.
So my promise to myself for 2009 is to spend the year showing the people in my life how much I cherish them.
I mean really, how much time does it take to address a card and take it to the post office, to send an email, to buy and inexpensive gift, to give someone a hug or just simply say thank you.
I let so many opportunities pass me by this year, opportunities to show the people in my life how much they are loved and appreciated.
I let myself off the hook by saying, "Oh, well I'm just so busy, they will understand." What if they aren't around to understand, what if I don't get the chance again.
So this year, I will drop the excuses and do my best to take every chance I get and show people what they mean to me, because I don't want to be here next year with a list of things I wish I had said or done to someone who is no longer here.
I haven't followed this like I wish I had but I think being sick and facing so many life or death situations this year has reinforced my desire to live life this way. I pray I never forget just how short life is and that no one is promised tomorrow.
I was fairly sure that my best friends dad wouldn't make it, although I was hoping and praying the outcome would be different. This was written when I returned from Deb's house (6 hrs away), her dad was still in the hospital.
Tonight I am overcome with so many emotions.
The year has started and I know of several people who have lost someone in the last week or so. My heart aches for all who have lost someone they love and cherish.
My best friend, Deb, and her family may soon have to spend 2009 learning how to live without a beloved husband, father, grandfather, friend and all around American Hero.
Deb's dad is hanging on but the family is going through so very much right now. They are grieving the man they knew and loved for so many years. If he makes it, he may never be the same.
We aren't promised tomorrow but we are promised that God will walk the journey of grief or whatever road we may have to go down, even if He has to carry us.
Grief is such a very hard road.
We all grieve.
Whether it's a childhood lost, the ending of a marriage, having to let go of a dream, or the death of a loved one.
I'm in no way comparing these.
While there is nothing that can compare to facing the finality of losing someone you love, the process of grief is the same.
I've been down the road of grief many times and my heart aches for those who are starting or continuing the journey of grief this year.
I am reminded every day to squeeze every bit of life out of every moment. I want everyone in my life to know how very much I love and appreciate them. I never want to have to face another casket with a list of things I wish I had said.
So my promise to myself for 2009 is to spend the year showing the people in my life how much I cherish them.
I mean really, how much time does it take to address a card and take it to the post office, to send an email, to buy and inexpensive gift, to give someone a hug or just simply say thank you.
I let so many opportunities pass me by this year, opportunities to show the people in my life how much they are loved and appreciated.
I let myself off the hook by saying, "Oh, well I'm just so busy, they will understand." What if they aren't around to understand, what if I don't get the chance again.
So this year, I will drop the excuses and do my best to take every chance I get and show people what they mean to me, because I don't want to be here next year with a list of things I wish I had said or done to someone who is no longer here.
I haven't followed this like I wish I had but I think being sick and facing so many life or death situations this year has reinforced my desire to live life this way. I pray I never forget just how short life is and that no one is promised tomorrow.
KEE
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
