Saturday, July 31, 2010

God is God and I am Not!

I'm still trusting, or the real truth is I'm still trying to trust. Just when I think we are at the point where we can't handle one more thing, ten more things seem to drop on us and I TELL GOD I can't take anymore! Does He know more than me...well of course He does.

Please continue to pray for our family we are undergoing a big ordeal with unemployment and his ex-Employer fighting it. It's gotten so bad lawyers have had to get involved and they (ex-employer) have gotten downright nasty and I just don't understand. People that he had worked with for years and watched our children grow up are now turning on him just to save their own job. I get saving your job in this economy but turning on other people, I just don't understand. The case has been cont. to Sept 13, that's my sister's birthday. It made me smile, see she's got connections, she lives in Heaven! :)
I've been meditating a lot on Psalm 91, it has helped calm me when I felt I couldn't breathe a lot of nights.

On Wed. night we were getting ready to go to Back to School Night, my husband's Dad called to tell him he would be having surgery Thursday morning. They had to amputate the leg that almost exactly one year ago he had to have a stint put in because of blood clots(complications from his diabetes), we drove 11 hours with a 5 yr old and a 2 yr old then.
This time we could not go for the surgery because the Unemployment Hearing was the same day and we needed more time to come up with the money and this was a last minute kind of thing.

God blessed us with the money so that Jose and I can fly. It will be so much better on my body. We will be  flying into Lincoln, NE in a few weeks. It's the closet airport, its' a 3 hr drive to where his parents live but only an hour and a half drive to the hospital in Kearney.

Please pray for my father-in-law, Manuel's, recovery and peace for my precious mother-in-law, Carmen.
My heart is heavy and my soul uneasy, I'm questioning God at every turn, trying to trust, so very scared at all the turn of events in the last few months. But God is God and  I am Not!

(Please scroll down and pause music player to hear this beautiful song)

Wednesday, July 14, 2010


Has always been such a hard concept for me to grasp. I want to have a plan, I want to know what people are going to do before I blindly hand my trust over to them.
I have always admired people who trusted others until given a reason not to. I have always thought people had to earn my trust first, it's not something I give out freely. This I am sad to say also applies to God as of lately, my world has been turned up side down and inside out. My sister is in jail for 5 years and was given too many chances to count and that makes me angry, husband has lost his job, his work is fighting his unemployment and we will be going to a  hearing over that in the next week or so.

My mom has been in PCI twice in the past month and we have almost lost her. My health, that was getting better, has plummeted. Friends that have been in my life for years have just walked out and my spiritual mentors tell me to trust God that it will all work out. 
I try and then get knocked right back down again and my flesh wants to say what is the point, trust is getting me no where.
We have no income, state assistance has still not arrived all though we have been approved for it since the day my husband lost his job on May 27. but have seen nothing.

No, God has never let me down, not once but still I doubt, still I question.  Hubby went for his first interview today, but I dare not let myself hope for fear of disappointment. And I have to say to myself, where is the faith I once had so fervently. I can pray for others and believe for others and trust that God will take care of them but when it comes to myself, it just doesn't seem to be there.

Dear Lord, I ask that you help me trust in you. Help me not to worry about tomorrow for you said in your word that you will take care of tomorrow. Work on my heart, on my mind, and mend this broken heart of mine so that I can once again cast my cares upon you.

Please keep my family in your prayers and I will do the same for any requests you may want to post.