Tuesday, June 30, 2009

Just When I Thought Things Were Looking Up

That's when the abbess tooth struck. It had been bothering for a while but has been the least of my medical issues until I woke up with the right side of my face swollen the size of a melon.

REALLY, SERIOUSLY? That's all I could say.

Before you point out, yes I know it could be worse, but now? Why exactly now?

Then I looked in the mirror and did the only thing I could do, I started laughing histerically at myself, because really what else can you do.

Then I went to the dentist and laughed histerically at the doctor when he told me how much a root canal and crown cost. I think he was hesitant to give me anything for pain because I'm sure he thought I was already on something, hubby said don't mind her she's always like this, thanks honey.

My mouth is still swollen on the right side and I am still laughing hysterically, but the swollen part of my gum on the inside has now started leaking blood, so I called the doctor to find out that is normal.

Normal, yep finally something is normal and you guessed it I am laughing at the hilarity of it all, and wondering just what tomorrow will bring. Whatever it is as long as I can laugh at it, me and God can handle it. :)

Thursday, June 25, 2009


I can't begin to tell you what getting away for a few days has done for my health and my spirit. Even though Hubby was in meetings most days, we had lunch together and was able to make it to the pool, even though one of us can't swim, not saying who just that I would have stayed in the pool the entire time if they would have let me ;)

I missed the kids but I know they can tell I'm feeling better. On the way to VBC this morning Ruben said "Mom, you're driving again and you don't need a walker." I said yeah I'm feeling pretty good lately, he replied 'cool.' Yes, cool indeed.

I'm trying not to think about the symptoms returning just trying to get everything I wanted to do in before they do. I guess that is not the best way to look at it, I should have faith that they are gone but I'm just not so sure that is the plan. I get a symptom here or there but nothing like before. At this point I will take what I can get and live in the moment and trust that God has it all under control.

Monday, June 22, 2009

Batteries Recharged

Jose has to go to a seminar for 4 days at a State Resort Park, 4
hours away. We had not talked about me or the kids going with
him until last night but decided against it. So I went ahead and sent Roo to VBC this morning. When I got home mom and DD were pushing me to go. I felt quilty leaving the kids and thought it would be too hard on DD to do it all herself.

I asked Roo to come because he loves hotels and swimming but he chose VBC instead. I was hurt a little but then again who can resist VBC even if you just went to one last week.

Hubby was worried about me being able to make the trip and about my symptoms coming back, But, a wonderul friend I have met in blog land has taught me that you can't live your life in fear waiting for your symptoms to come and knock you off your feet. You have to live in the moment. Check her blog out on my side bar, The Perch,if you haven't already.
Thank you Sheryl, God put you in my life at just the right time.

So in this moment, I am symptom free and in the ca

Friday, June 19, 2009

My Husband is...

the man that made me believe in myself again.

the one who taught me to live and laugh in the moment.

the kindest most Christian man I have ever met.

the one who really knows how to push my buttons and does it just for fun.

the man who took my mother and aunt into our home without ever complaining when they needed a place to stay, even after they had done what some would call unforgivable things to our little family.

the best father I know, I could not have hand picked a better father for them. God did that for me.

the man I met online on an instant messaging system 9 yrs ago and never dreamed at the beginning he would become the love of my life and my partner for life.

the one who makes me laugh harder and louder than anyone else.

the one who gets so frustrated with me at times, he just has to shake his head and walk away.

truly my life long friend.

the man who snores louder than anyone I have ever heard when he is tired but I love him so much I just put cotton balls in my ears and move on.

the man that has bathed me in the hospital, seen me in not so flattering circumstances, has helped me to the bathroom at home and helped me shower on my shower chair for the last few months at home without ever complaining.

the man who also took care of the house and kids the months I was in bed without ever complaining.

He's my husband, my dearest friend, the father of my kids, the love of my life.

I thank God for him everyday.

I love you with all my heart.

This is How Feeling Better Looks

I am cherishing each day that I can stay out of bed, get dressed and play with my kids. It's all the things I used to take for granted but pray I never do again. Today was Ruben's last day of VBS and I was able to go and see their program, no walker or wheel chair. I walked in by myself and walked out, seems so simple but it was really awesome. And the first time in 3 months I've been able to do this.

I wasn't able to get good pictures inside, it was too dark, so here are some of me and the kids when we got home. I'm feeling great but part of me is just waiting for my symptoms to knock me off my feet again. I can't let fear run my life and I know that when or if they come back God is big enough to take care of them and me.

Wednesday, June 17, 2009

It's Going to be Ok, Maybe not What I Want but It Will Be Ok

I have been away for awhile, there was a week straight that I was having seizures close to twice a day and in bed the entire day. Those were dark days for me so I spared you all from what would have been some very negative postings. Today and yesterday have been pain and seizure free, I haven't had that in a very long time so I have been enjoying it more than I could ever explain.

I went to my nero doc last Wed. and the EEG was normal, which made me go into my emotional crying spell because I thought for sure something would show up. I'm definitely having some type of seizures but he's not sure why my EEG would be normal. He put me on a seizure medication Depekote, and even the generic is ridiculously expensive so we have been buying a week supply at a time. But thank God we found out about a program called Kentucky Home, they help get your prescriptions directly from the pharmacy companies when you have no insurance. So I met with the worker from there yesterday and took the forms to my doctor today and he filled them out and this program will pay for that medication for a year then I have to re apply. That will save us $2088 a year. Thank you Jesus.

As for me not being able to walk some days, my nero has no idea why that is. He was very busy and only spent 5 min with us this time. His waiting room was full and I am hoping the next visit will be better. The meds he has me on now seem to be working together and I have been having good days lately. I'm hoping they will last and that I can go back to my 'normal life' or the way it used to be but I have a feeling I am going to have to adjust to this new normal and if I just could have more good days than bad I could be ok with that. Tonight I cooked for the second time since I have been home, it was such a great feeling, I even mopped the floors and finger painted with the kids. Boy it's the little things in life that you think you would never miss but when you can't do them those are the things that mean the most to you.

Still finding it hard to pray which is really bothering me. I'm still using music to kind of 'talk' to God but it's hard to even form a prayer out loud right now. I didn't think that would last this long. I thought I would be over that by now. But here I am.

My mom and aunt finally got a van (used of course) but found one with a pull out wheel chair ramp for my mom so now we can take her out and to her medical appointments. I say we but I really mean my aunt and Hubby. I still can't drive and went shopping for grocery's with my aunt yesterday but finally had to get in one of those motorized carts because I get so tired from walking. But I am hoping we can all go out to eat for Father's Day this weekend. My mom has not been out to eat in almost 2 years.

I am so grateful to have them here with me, but I have to be honest, there are times when I just want my house back. We just bought this house last July, our first house and I don't feel like we got to enjoy all of it enough before giving part of it up. Horrible, I know. But the minute I think that I also realize it was God's plan because I don't know how I would take care of my kids some days without my aunt here. I just hate that I can't take care of my mom like I did in those first few months of them moving in.

This may seem jumbled, that's only because that is exactly how my mind is jumbled with all these things swimming around in it. I hope you can make sense of at least some of it anyway.

Thank you, for reading, for emailing and most of all for the caring and the prayers.
It's going to be ok, maybe not what I wanted or what I envisioned for my life with small children but it's going to be ok.

Thursday, June 4, 2009

Nothing Profound to Say

I am here, haven't been online in a while. Mostly tired. Sat in the medicaid office for two hours this morning. We still will not know anything for months. The application has to be sent to Frankfort for review to see if I qualify for a spend down card to cover my medical bills which we totaled last night and they are at $31,733 and still climbing.

I go to my Nero Doc next Wed. so hopefully we will know more then.

Will check in when I feel better and have more to say.

Thank you all for your thoughts and prayers.