Thursday, May 28, 2009

Faith and Fear?

I know I promised pics of Roo's room but I didn't get around to taking them.
The day started great but as it wore on I felt my symptoms coming back. I have been symptom free for almost 5 days and was beginning to get used to it and remember what it was to walk without a walker or wheel chair, what it was to sit and play with my kids, cook dinner and just do the little things around the house.

And then they came creeping back, not near as bad as they have been but enough to slow me down and put me in bed for a few hours. It's scary because I don't want to go back to where I was a month ago or even three weeks ago. I don't know what is going on with my body and why some days I'm fine and other's I can barely walk. I go back to my Nero Doc on June 10 and I hope he can figure this out. I know God is in control and I go back and forth between trusting Him and knowing He is in control to fearing the worst.

I do have Faith that He will work it out but does that mean I can't have fear too? I feel like if I have times of doubt that I'm not trusting God enough. And most of the time I do have a peace that everything will be ok but other times when the tremors start and I lose the ability to walk I feel the doubt creeping in.

I know God is in control and He will work this out whatever the outcome but when my symptoms come creeping back so does the doubt. I guess that just makes me human, or at least I hope it just makes me human.

Tomorrow will be better, if not then the next day will. I know through all of this He is holding me sfe in His hands as He always has.


He And Me + 3 said...

praying for a good day for you today.

Shayla said...

Hi Kee!

Thank you for visiting my blog and leaving such a sweet comment :] !!!

I am so sorry to see that you are going through so much pain :(

I will most def. be praying for your situation. Whatever is going on with your body rest assured it is happening at a specific time for a specific reason.

Example: Many people find out someone has cancer and they pray that God will remove it, but I am positive that God being a great and healing God couldve kept that person from getting cancer. The question shouldn't be why me or when will it go away. The question is God what are your plans for me as I undergo this new chapter in my life?

I know that was a little strong and may h ave been hard to read. I promise I meant it with love and encouragement (and I do want to see you get better!) its just something else to throw out there for you to think about :D

Sisters in Christ,

Shayla said...

I am so glad that you understood my comment. It is so hard to understand tone when you are reading a note and sometimes I pick the wrong words and things just come out sounding totally wrong :P So thank you for being so understanding and open to what I had to say :)

Please keep me informed on any and all updates with your diagnosis... I am "following" you (that sounds scary haha) so hopefully I will catch them as I continue to stay updated with your blog.

I totally understand how you are beginning to feel overwhelmed. It's so hard to stay focused on God when you honestly feel powerless and useless to solving anything. We just have to remember sometimes God just wants us to hand ourselves over to His glory!!!

Talk To ya later Girly!!!

Sheryl said...

wondering how today has been for you??

thought i left a comment the first time i read this, but obviously NOT. i liked what shayla had to say about asking God what He wants to do through our situations.

love to you,

nancygrayce said...

Oh, Kiesha, I'm so sorry! I know that when you've had a few good days, a bad one feels worse! I just pray they get to the bottom of this and get it taken care the meantime, relax as much as possible. I know that's hard!