When you have been in bed for the past few weeks and can barely make it by yourself to the bathroom, you begin to think about what really does matter. And this past week I have realized things that I used to flip out over, especially certain things that have happened this past week...well those things really don't matter very much anymore.
Here are a few:
*dark blue paint spilled on beige carpet- in the grand scheme of things it's just paint.
*your daughter scalping the top of her hair with gigantic scissors- it's just hair that WILL grow back. She now has a business in the back, party in the front thing going on (pictures soon).
*your daughter's dried blue hand prints placed around the house in certain sneaky places. Used to, I would flip out and scrub, now I just look at them and smile. It's just paint and reminds me what a little sneaky snake she is :)
*schedules, yes they are good but do the kids really have to be in the bath by 6:05 when we are playing in bed or reading a book.
*dessert before dinner or even for breakfast. This would never have been tolerated before (if I had known about it that is, remember we have grandparents living here.) But really in the grand scheme of things what is wrong with sneaking an Oreo before breakfast, it's a memory my children will not soon forget, especially eating them in bed with mom for breakfast :)
This,(illness disease) whatever this is, still to be determined, has really changed my outlook on life. I have good days and try to make the most of those days with the kids.
Yesterday, I was actually able to go outside and sit in the swimming pool with them. It was just an hour, but I'm learning to cherish every minute I get to have time with them without pain, or seizures or whatever other symptoms I may be having that day.
I'm learning to cherish the times I can actually sit up and get on the computer and type, actually feel the keys beneath my fingers and not have to look at each key.
I'm cherishing what really matters and forgetting about the rest because no one knows how much time they have on this earth. I could be hit by a car tomorrow, be diagnosed with a terminal illness or live to see my children grow and have children of their own. But the question will be what really did matter in the life I lived? Did I sweat the small stuff or cherish every minute, did I throw out the schedules from time to time and just focus on my family? Did I make sure they knew every second how much I loved them and cherished them?
This has kind of been my wake up call. I'm hoping it will end here and God will say "oh Kiesha's learned her lesson, she's fine now." But if not, I'm thankful I realized these things before it was too late.
On the health front, I have had two really good days, I have been able to walk and use my hands and no tremors or seizures. The new meds must be working. I go for an EEG tomorrow and he doesn't want me to take any medications, Doc says if I do have an episode it would really help to be able to diagnose me while I am hooked up to all the machines. Not looking forward to that but hey whatever it takes. :)
I got a call from social services, I have an appointment scheduled for June 4, they will be looking at all my medical bills to see if I qualify for a medicaid spend down for the months of April and May. Please Please pray, pray that we qualify. This would take a huge burden off of us because my bills are getting way up there. But if not I'm still leaving it in God's hands, I pick it back up from time to time, but always take it back...honest I do.
Here are the pictures from yesterday, a couple of hours with just me and my kids. It was absolutely awesome!