I used to wonder how that would feel.
Just to accept myself, to for once just not be so conscious of my body or how people see me so that I could just be me and be comfortable in my own skin. I'm not there yet but I'm so much closer than I used to be.
You know until I met my hubby, I never laughed out loud. I just didn't know how. I was always hyper aware of myself, always concerned about how I sounded or looked and because of having my spirit broken as a child I no longer knew how to just let go, just be in the moment.
I remember the first year of being with my husband. I would be in the next room and just hear this loud delightful belly laugh almost like a child's.
I would go to check it out and there he would be all alone with either a book or watching TV and just laughing with abandonment.
Sometimes it would happen while he was just sitting quietly, just thinking about something funny and he would just laugh and laugh.
I found this amazing and for the first time I realized I didn't know how to do that, I didn't know how to laugh.
As a child I was taught that children were to be seen and not heard, speak only when spoken to. If these rules were not followed when my father was around we would certainly pay the price.
Slowly, very slowly throughout the years my husband has taught me how to just be in the moment, how to not think about anything except what is happening in that moment. (Hence our family blog is titled Enjoying Every Moment.)
The most amazing part is that I have learned to laugh out loud, sometimes to the point of tears. I now laugh out loud on a daily basis, alone, in a crowd, with my kids.
And you know what... It's the most amazing feeling in the world.