A Shifting Heart

These past few weeks it's been hard to see the blessings in my life.
My focus has shifted to the pain that runs through my body on my bad days, the struggle I seem to be having with my faith, and a hundred other negative things I have been focusing on lately.

Today, there has been another shift. I am grateful, full of hope, so very humbled and thankful for every single blessing in my life.

How did this shift happen you ask, God and only God.

God in the form of a youth group that spent all of their day off baking cookies to deliver to the needy, home bound and elderly on their first day of Thanksgiving break. The cookies were good and brought a smile to my mom's face.

I heard God's voice today in a phone call from our church telling me there was a package I needed to come pick up. Well the package was actually three boxes of food and a turkey. They did not know, no one did, no one but God knew we needed those boxes today.

I saw the joy of the Lord in my children's faces as they helped bake a rainbow cake tonight, their favorite.

My son brought home a baby bottle from school last week to fill with coins for our local Christian Pregnancy Center. He went into his room and poured out his piggy bank and filled the bottle with all the dollars and coins that would fit without me even asking him to use his own money.

Tonight he brought tears to my eyes when he said they picked up the bottles at school yesterday and he didn't have anymore bottles to fill up with money for the babies and mommies that needed money.

Tonight, I had a wonderful night of cooking with my husband, playing with my children, laughing with my family and remembering all the things I have to be thankful for.

I have heard God speak to me in so many different ways today and have felt closer to HIM than I have in a while. He is answering my prayers, maybe not in the way I want, but HE's letting me know HE hears my crys and is always at my side.

Have a wonderful Thanksgiving!

I Am

I Am a Christian who feels God is calling me to do more, to have a closer relationship with HIM instead of just going through the motions and fooling myself into believeing that is enough.

Don't forget to pause the music player at the bottom.

We Interupt the Regular Scheduled Programing

Today I usually participate in Multitude Mondays.

But when I started this blog I promised myself I would be honest about life and not gloss it over. Life is not perfect and I think it can be harmful to others if all they read about is how great your life is. They start to feel bad and wonder why there life is not all roses. Or atleast I have felt that way reading some blogs in the past.

I have a lot to be grateful for, believe me I know that.

But today I don't feel like being grateful.

I'm in pain, my body hurts from the top of my head to the tips of my toes.

I'm frustrated and I'm trying to make a very big decision about my faith. My husband is catholic and it's never been an issue until Roo started school. I have went there for 5 years and have found that all I was taught about catholics is just not true, I learned this by observation over a 5 year period.

I'm considering converting but not sure what that means because I am a Christian, so I'm struggling with the whole converting thing.

I am tired of hiding my physical pain from everyone. No one knows at Roo's scchool just how hard it is for me to go to school and work.

I put a smile on my face to hide the pain so my daughter can have a normal birthday party at Chucky E cheese.

So today I don't feel like being grateful.

I know that is wrong and God is probably not pleased with it. And while I may be able to fool others,I can never fool God because he knows my heart.
So what is the point in pretending.

Tomorrow will be better. God is still God no matter how I am feeling.

You Better Slow Down

This poem gets me every time I read it. I probably should read it everyday, because it's so easy to forget to just slow down.

Slow Down

Have you ever watched kids on a merry-go-round,

or listened to rain slapping the ground?

Ever followed a butterfly's erratic flight,

or gazed at the sun into the fading night?

You better slow down,

don't dance so fast,

time is short, the music won't last.

Do you run through each day on the fly,

when you ask "How are you?",

do you hear the reply?

When the day is done,

do you lie in your bed,

with the next hundred chores running through your head?

You better slow down,

don't dance so fast

time is short, the music won't last.

Ever told your child,

we'll do it tomorrow,

and in your haste, not seen his sorrow?

Ever lost touch,

let a good friendship die,

'cause you never had time to call and say "hi".

You better slow down,

don't dance so fast

time is short, the music won't last.

When you run so fast to get somewhere,

you miss half the fun of getting there,

When you worry and hurry though your day,

it is like an unopened gift thrown away.

Life is not a race,

so take it slower,

hear the music before the song is over.

- author David L. Weatherford

Thursday Thriteen (Our Adventure)

This is my second time doing Thursday 13, and I've found it to be a lot of fun.

Let's see, I thought that since Marissa's birthday is next week. I would pick 13 things to share about her.

1. She was born 4 weeks early, two days after Thanskgiving on Nov. 28, 2006, with no big complications and so very beautiful.

2. She underwent surgery at 10 months to remove a cyst in her throat. This was taken after the surgery.

3. She's never been able to take her eyes off her brother for very long.

4. Little Miss Fearless loved and still loves to climb everything.

5. She hated eating her cake at her first birthday party.

6. She's always looked cute in anything.

7. She is sassy and spunky. She cracks me up on a hourly basis.

8. She was a lot happier on her second birthday.

Well until Daddy rubbed cake on her face again. I'm thinking brownies this year.

9. She has to take front and center with Roo and his friends.

10. She prefers to cut her own hair and is very proud of the results.

11. Her favorite outfit is any dress and her knee-high black boots.

          

12. She thinks she the boss.

13. And she's almost cute enough to get away with it.

Thank you Lord for our second blessing.

What an adventure it has been.

And a note to those of you who follow on a daily basis, no I most certainly did not change my blog layout again, check your glasses and if you don't have any maybe you need an eye appointment :)

Who Am I Wednesdays

I AM a loving but at times frustrated mother.

I AM a struggling Christian who is considering making a big decision that is not going to make my mother very happy.

I AM an adult who is tired of other adults acting like children, grow up already please.

I AM excited about lighting up our house this year, hubby says he's gonna light it up like the fourth of July, yes we are now one of those families

I AM trying to accept that seizures are part of my life and remind myself that I have them, they do not have me.


Who are YOU?
Feel free to share in a comment or on your blog, just leave a link.

Thanks for stopping by!

I've Finally Got it....Wait Maybe Not

Ok, so I know I have had the bad habit of changing blog designs like... oh I don't know every week or so. I want to find one and stick to it. I think.
I like this one. The only problem is it would fully download and I had to add the purple background instead of what it looked like here at Template Mama site, she is awesome but I'm just beginning to learn how to work it all. If anyone has an idea of what I'm doing wrong I would love to hear it!

Bear with me and I promise I will find one and stick to it. I really love the layout of this one, it seems a lot less cluttered than my last layout.

So hang in there with me. I should have it figured out this week. But then again I really wanted to do a christmas background. Oh who knows, what will show up next. It's just part of my personality, I don't like the same routine day after day and I like to mix things up :)

Hope everyone had a great Monday.

Multitude Mondays 48-58

It's Monday and time to count our blessings and share them with others over at Holy Experience.

My health goes up and down and can change hourly. I can have a great day and then the next will be extremely painful. I'm learning to see God's grace and goodness in the midst of my pain. Multitude Monday's have been a great way to stay focused on all my blessings regardless of how I am feeling physically or emotionally.

This weekend has been great, last weekend I was in bed the entire weekend and this weekend I was only in bed during regular sleeping hours. : )
I am so very blessed, let me count the ways:
48-58
 #48- A great date night with hubby, including dinner, laughter, silly pictures, and me falling asleep and missing the last ten minutes of the movie.

#49-Friends that come over and mop your kitchen and refuse to let you help because they know you are not able to.

#50- Getting to take my daughter for her first REAL haircut. She actually gave herself the first haircut and it's taken a while for it to grow out.

#51- Seeing the importance of silly little moments.

#52- Going to church today as a family for the first time in a very long time.

#53- Feeling good enough to go to Dairy Queen afterwards.

#54- Being silly with our kids in public places.

#55- Pop-ice I've been addicted to these lately.

#56- That Fiesty has made it through the week. (Roo's replacement fish for Speedy)

#57- Being able to continue to work at Roo's school even after last weeks seizure episode. Just working in the office now but it's a much better enviroment.

#58- All the friends I have gained through this little blog of mine. It truly amazes me.

If you would like to share your gifts with everyone, hop on over to Ann's.

Nothing Better After a Crappy Week...

Date night and boy am I excited about it!!!

Who Am I ? (a little boy's loss)

I AM a mother who knelt by the toilet this afternoon with my very sensitive son as he was weeping as if his heart had been shattered into a thousand little pieces. All I had to do was look at that face and I was heartbroken and wept with him.

You see, he was heartbroken over losing Speedy, his goldfish that he only had a week. This is the first time he has had to deal with death. He kept saying "mommy, just make him move. Please mommy just make him swim again." I told him there was nothing more we could do for Speedy but say a pray for him. And we did.

I was heartbroken and weeping because I know this will not be the last time his life is touched by death of some sort. He will have to deal with death in this life and I wish I could just take all the pain from Speedy's death and all the future pain of ever losing anyone from him.

 But that's not my job, my job is teaching my son WHO to take his pain to and WHO can take his pain away and give back peace and comfort in it's place.

Thank you Lord for being there with us when we walk through the valley of the shadow of death. You have been with me many many times down that road.

I pray that you will always be with my children when they have to deal with death throughout their lives. I also pray for your love and peace to surround those who have lost someone and will be missing them even more this Holiday Season. Wrap those families in your peace, give them your hope, pour out your healing love on them.
In Your Holy Name
Amen

Multitude Mondays 37-47

It's Monday and time to count our blessings and share them with others over at Holy Experience.

My symptoms have come raging back, I've had several seizures in the last couple of days and yet I have many blessings to give thanks for.
37-47

#37- My husband who never complains when he has to wait on me hand and foot when I get so sick I can't get out of bed.

#38- Hot relaxing bubble baths

#39- For the Lord's strength when teaching my kids hard lessons that I know they have to learn, but it's so hard not to just take them in my arms and give in.

#40- Indian food

#41- My aunt, who takes care of my children when I can not.

#42- Sunny Delight, I had forgotten just how good it is.

#43- Children who don't see skin color.

#44- Memories of lost loved ones.

#45- Fuzzy socks

#46- Mouse traps

#47- The ability to sit here and type this message, there are many days I can't even do that. I'm so very grateful the days I can.

If you would like to share your gifts with everyone, hop on over to Ann's.

Thursday 13

This is my first time doing Thursday 13, I thought it would be fun but have no idea what I'm about to write.

Let's see, 13 things that are on my mind right now.

1. Goldie and Speedy, Roo won Goldie at the carnival so we had to buy a tank for him and all the things fish require. Today Roo decided he wanted Goldie to have a friend so Speedy joined our family today. At the next PTO meeting I am going to let them know that having Gold fish as a prize at the carnival is unfair to parents.

2. Foxy, our dog we rescued from a shelter about a month ago. She was just spayed and I have to take her to get her stiches out this week. Only problem is tomorrow is Friday so time is running out for me. (Toby is the one sleeping)


3. Teaching, I volunteer at Roo's school three days a week. I spend Thursday and Fridays with the preschool class until 11 and then I work in the office, sub for teachers. I do a little bit of everything. It's got me thinking about going back to school and get my teaching degree. I don't want to go back into social work while the kids are little. To stressful.

4. Christmas lights, I can't wait to get out all the decorations. I LOVE Christmas.

5. Sleep, it would be nice to be able to sleep like a normal person.

6. I can't get enough of this spunky, determined, free spirited child.

7. My Brown Eyed boy is always on my mind.

8.  Recipes, I need to find more so that I cook more. I hate to cook. Hubby is a great cook. He cooks and I clean but I should do more cooking.

9. My Mom, she hasn't walked in two years and has given up. I constantly try to think of something I could do to get her motivated to atleast get up and in her wheel chair. This picture was taken last year, she has changed so much in such a short period of time. She doesn't look like the mom that raised me. I miss that person.

10. DVR, I love that thing, Thursdays are when all the good shows come on so they are taped and ready for me to watch when I can't sleep.

11. Randomness, I don't think that is a word but that is where this post is going. I'm all over the place. But that's how my mind works constantly.

12. Header, I should be working on a blog header for a blogger friend. I can't wait to get it done. Again, there are so many ideas floating around in my head I have to try and figure out which one I should run with.

13. Blogger Buddies, if you hung in there for all of this, you are awesome!

I Am Learning Lord

I did not write this but I could have and I'm sure many of you could have also. I thought by this time in my life I would know to give everything to God but I am still learning. Thank you Lord for being so patient with me.

I Am Learning, Lord

My life has taken many falls

And tumbles 'long the way.

The many trials have left me

In a sure state of dismay.

For with each trial, I tried alone

To tend, and soothe, and mend,

Instead of giving them to God -

And on Him just depend ...

But, I am learning, Lord.

It seems that I was determined

To carry all the load.

I longed for smoother pathways.

Yet, I walked a rocky road.

Little did I understand,

God waited patiently

To pave a new beginning

With a better life for me.

But, I am learning, Lord.

It took a real disaster

To bring me to my knees;

To finally call upon the Lord

And say, "God help me, please."

He can, with no delaying,

With strong arms that could hold -

The weight of all my burdens;

He gladly took the load.

And, I am learning, Lord.

What a needless cross I carried,

All because I could not see -

What a friend I have in Jesus,

And the love He has for me.

Peace I find when troubles hover,

Though' the outcome is unknown.

For if yet the road is rocky,

I won't walk it all alone.

For, I am learning, Lord.

- Author Unknown

Hope you all have a wonderful Thursday and thanks for stopping by my little home in blog land.
                                                                KEE

Who Am I ?

*I am a woman with a strange sense of humor.

*I am a woman who uses sarcasm most of the time.

*I am a best friend to an awesome red head who just got good news about the lump in her breast.

*I am a daughter who loves her mother and her aunt but it's been 11 months already and I want my house back.

*I am a daughter who feels guilty for just typing that.

*I am a mother who would do anything for her children, including dressing up to go to the school carnival because my son asked me to.

A Reminder of How I Want to Live

This was posted on Jan. 7th of this year. I found it while going through some posts on our family blog. It still hits home with me and though I haven't lived like I wanted to and expressed in this post, I have done better. When I wrote this I had no idea what 2009 would hold for my family. I hadn't a clue that I would get sick, that my mom and aunt would move in and mom would slowly start declining, or that my father in law would be faced with some serious health problems that aren't getting any better.
I was fairly sure that my best friends dad wouldn't make it, although I was hoping and praying the outcome would be different. This was written when I returned from Deb's house (6 hrs away), her dad was still in the hospital.

Tonight I am overcome with so many emotions.


The year has started and I know of several people who have lost someone in the last week or so. My heart aches for all who have lost someone they love and cherish.


My best friend, Deb, and her family may soon have to spend 2009 learning how to live without a beloved husband, father, grandfather, friend and all around American Hero.


Deb's dad is hanging on but the family is going through so very much right now. They are grieving the man they knew and loved for so many years. If he makes it, he may never be the same.


We aren't promised tomorrow but we are promised that God will walk the journey of grief or whatever road we may have to go down, even if He has to carry us.


Grief is such a very hard road.


We all grieve.


Whether it's a childhood lost, the ending of a marriage, having to let go of a dream, or the death of a loved one.


I'm in no way comparing these.


While there is nothing that can compare to facing the finality of losing someone you love, the process of grief is the same.


I've been down the road of grief many times and my heart aches for those who are starting or continuing the journey of grief this year.


I am reminded every day to squeeze every bit of life out of every moment. I want everyone in my life to know how very much I love and appreciate them. I never want to have to face another casket with a list of things I wish I had said.


So my promise to myself for 2009 is to spend the year showing the people in my life how much I cherish them.


I mean really, how much time does it take to address a card and take it to the post office, to send an email, to buy and inexpensive gift, to give someone a hug or just simply say thank you.


I let so many opportunities pass me by this year, opportunities to show the people in my life how much they are loved and appreciated.


I let myself off the hook by saying, "Oh, well I'm just so busy, they will understand." What if they aren't around to understand, what if I don't get the chance again.


So this year, I will drop the excuses and do my best to take every chance I get and show people what they mean to me, because I don't want to be here next year with a list of things I wish I had said or done to someone who is no longer here.


I haven't followed this like I wish I had but I think being sick and facing so many life or death situations this year has reinforced my desire to live life this way. I pray I never forget just how short life is and that no one is promised tomorrow.

KEE

These Two Make it All Worth It

This year has been hard probably the hardest one I have faced in quite some time. The pain has been unbearable lately and it's frustrating because I want my kids to have memories of me being hands on, taking them to their soccer games, going to the park, dressing up for Halloween. Somedays I am in bed all day and am lucky if I can get up to atleast put Roo's clothes out, pack his lunch and slip a note in there to show him just how much I love him. I just wish I was more capable of being the mom I want to be, but every minute I am out of bed I try to squeeze every moment out of it and pack in as many memories as I can.

These two make it all worth it. I am truly blessed to have them as my children.