My journey continues on my good days and my bad days. My journey is still to become closer to God, get involved in more service to others, be a better wife and mother, take better care of myself and enjoy life.
Today, I realized I am so not where I want to be with my parenting. I know there is no such thing as a perfect parent and I do know that my kids understand about me being sick, well as much as a 5 and 2 yr old can.
For a while now I have noticed my sweet little girl has become increasling bossy and just plain hateful in the way she speaks to her family. Now, she's always been determined, strong willed and sassy.
But it's just been her tone lately that has really bothered me. She yells and is so rude in the way she talks to people. Their is not a lot of gentlness in the way she deals with others.
Today, I looked at her and saw myself. I haven't been gentle or kind with my kids or even others for a while. It was like a light bulb went off in my head...yeah I know I can be slow sometimes :)
I used to take more time with her, be more gentle when she did something wrong, she had clear consequences that usually included time out. I wouldn't let the temper tantrums get to me and would calmly deal with them.
Lately, I have been doing the opposite. Probably for the last few months. And yes I know that a lot of it has to do with me being sick and some days I just don't have enough energy to talk calmly to her. It's just easier to snap, be hateful and demanding. But there is NO excuse for that.
Children learn what they live. I don't want her to continue to have to live with that because I do not want her to turn in to that.
I don't think it will be hard to turn it around. I caught myself twice today, I was about to raise my voice and snap but then I took a breath and calmly asked her to stop doing what she was doing and it broke my heart when she looked up surprised and immedialtely stopped.
God, please help me to always remember that my children learn what they live. They are watching me and will act in the way that I do especially my daughter because little girls always want to be like their mothers. Please, stop me during those moments when I am having trouble and remind me of that and please give me the strength and wisdom to raise children who are pleasing to you.