Thursday, July 30, 2009

Part 2, The Accident

We were staying with Shelly and on our way to meet my mom (a 40 minute drive) to look at an apartment she was going to rent for the three of us.

Shelly was not supposed to be with us but the night before her 15 month old had started running a fever and she decided to take him to the doctor. Her daughter K was at school, so we packed up Jamie and S and was on our way to meet my mom and take S to the doctor. I do not remember that morning or anything about it, a blessing from God really.

Two miles into our trip we had an accident involving another truck, head on collision. This was Friday and I don't remember a thing until the following Tuesday.

I woke up and heard music, saw this big blue curtain, and these people with masks. It had to be a dream, I tried and tried to wake up. I remember telling myself, Kiesha just wake up and you will be back at Shelly's in bed beside Kim.

It wasn't a dream. I was in surgery. My fifth in five days. They could not put me under again so they did a local and were repairing my right hand. Ligaments had been torn in my hand, they were repairing those and doing plastic surgery on my hand.

After recovery they took me back to my room. It was full of friends we had made, one of my mom's brothers, we had not talked to in 10 years So I knew it had to be bad. I immediately begin asking for Kim and Shelly. I kept saying "are they hurt like me, they can't be worse, they're going to be ok."

My mom started to cry, there was a nurse at the door with a shot in her hand standing ready to sedate me after I heard the news.
I wanted to close my ears, I thought if I didn't hear it then they would be ok. I wanted to scream at everyone to leave, I didn't want to hear what they had to say, what I already knew in my heart.

I saw my mom's lips moving heard the words, but I couldn't believe it, it couldn't be.

S was in Children's Hospital with only 2 broken legs. After hearing that the hope was beginning to creep in.
Then came words that no one can ever be prepared for.

Shelly had died on impact, Jamie, sweet little Jamie, lived only 3 days in a coma. Kim was in a coma but was not going to make it. They were taking her off life support the next day.

My mind could not comprehend any of this. I screamed! I was angry! How could this happen, God was this some sort of joke? I repeated all the reasons the three of them had to live, Shelly was a mother of three, Jamie was just 4, Kim was supposed to have taken her GED that Monday. She wanted to be a photographer.
Here I was only one of two who survived, the girl who had never wanted to live. The girl who had tried to commit suicide at 13 and failed. God had to be playing a cruel joke on me, there was no other reason I could see that He would take them and leave me.
I screamed I wanted to see Kim NOW, even if they had to roll me into her room on a stretcher. That is when I was told we were in different hospitals. Kim and I had been life lighted to two different hospitals, 160 miles apart. They were taking us all to Louisville but they lost Kim on the way and touched down at the nearest hospital with Kim and Jamie and continued on with S and I to Louisville.

I still can't imagine the hell my mom went through with us so far apart and having to leave one not knowing if the other one would be there when she returned.

That was when the nurse sedated me because I don't remember anything until the next day when mom called to talk to me about donating Kim's organs. We donated her organs and the day on her death certificate says Oct. 8 but I have always felt like she died Oct. 2nd because she never woke up and the 2nd was the last time I ever saw her.

Kim's funeral was on Sunday. The doctors would not clear me to go because I had a broken neck, shattered pelvis, broken arm and ankle and could not even sit up.

I helped mom plan the funeral from my hospital bed. I picked out flowers and songs. Kim's best friend picked out her outfit and brought it for my approval. A beautiful dark pink suit.
My best friend from Al. came and stayed with me during Kim's funeral.

It was all so surreal, my mind wouldn't let me accept it. I was just going through the motions trying to be strong for mom.

I didn't get out of the hospital for another 6 weeks and went through 2 years of physical therapy. The doctors said I would never walk, I disagreed. It was the least I could do after they had lost their lives. I was determined to be ok, I wasn't sure how I would live without them, without Kim but I knew I owed it to them to try.

I have lots of scars and have never once been upset about them. They remind me of what was lost and that I was given a second chance at life. Don't get me wrong it took many many years to learn to enjoying life, to understand that God wasn't playing a cruel joke and there was a reason I lived and they did not.

I love my life now and going through all of that changed me forever. My life will always be defined by before (the accident) and after (the accident).

I learned so many lessons from that and it took years but I could finally see God in every step of it. Maybe that will be Part 3 of this, Learning to Live without my Sister. But this has taken me all day and I am drained.

Thanks for taking the time to read this, it's the first time I have ever written this much about it.


~Sandy~ said...

Thank you so much Kee for sharing your story. It broke my heart. I can only imagine the pain you and your mom went through during that time. I know it was really hard to write about,and I appreciate you for taking the time. I hope it helped you to talk and get it out... I know it helped me. I look forward to part 3.
Also, I love your header. ((hugs))Sandy

Sheryl said...

proud of you for sharing your story. God has done a big work in your life and had purpose in sparing you. sure cannot imagine how heavy your heart was then and continues to be now.

as i am typing this, i can see the pictures of your darling kids! THAT is purpose right there.

love ya.

Bitter Sweet Moments said...

Thanks for sharing your story. I have a sister that 23 months younger than me. I can't imagine the loss you feel.

He & Me + 3 said...

Wow Kee. You have been though so much. So glad you can still see that God has been through it all with you and that He does have a purpose for everything that happens. Good or otherwise.
You are a blessing and thank you for sharing this story. I can't even imagine how hard it was for you to share.

Bonnie said...

thanks for sharing your story. Even though it was painful there is always healing in some way.

christy rose said...

I am amazed at how much pain this must have brought to you. I am so sorry for your loss. I cannot even possibly try to imagine all that you went through. I am proud of you for sharing this and continuing to look to God to bring you through it all. You are strong and courageous!

Daveda said...

Kee, Thanks for sharing this with us, even though it was hard for you to do. It seems as though you have been through a lot, yet with every step you continue to see more of God's amazing love for you. One can only imagine such a great loss, but I think it is beautiful that as you look back you can see Jesus.

Have a great weekend friend!