Monday, December 14, 2009

The Road I Did Not Take

I recently opened a Facebook account and connected with someone I first met in 2001. We were both fresh out of college and showed up to start our first real job in social services, at the Department of Children and Families. It was a small office of three social workers, a secretary and our supervisor. We became fast friends since we were the newbies and had to go out of town together a lot for trainings . She had been married for about a year and I had known Jose for about 6 months.

We talked about our relationships and how hard our job was at times and about our ambitions. We both wanted to eventually go back to school and get our MSW and eventually be a Department Supervisor for one of the nearby counties. I really had no intention of ever getting married and she really did not want kids.

I have only seen her twice since we have moved back. It's been a few years since we have been in touch.

Well, finding her page brought back a lot of emotions.

See, our lives went in two total different directions. Her life looks exactly like the one I thought I wanted, from the outside at least.

On the computer screen, I saw the life I had always wanted (or so I thought for so long). A Masters of Social Work Degree, Director of Children and family services. Pictures of trips to Mexico, cruises, lots of out of town girl trips.

It was all there on that screen and to be completely honest for a second I wished that was my life.

Because my life took a completely different road.

I worked at DCBS for only a year before moving to Los Angeles to be with my now husband. We were married two years after my move and had a baby less than a year after getting married. We moved back to Ky when Ruben was 7 months. I wanted to go back to work but could not bear to leave my beautiful baby boy especially since there was no one I trusted enough to leave him with.

So I chose to be a stay at home mom. Then had a much wanted and prayed for baby girl.

There are no fancy vacations here and not many girls nights out or even date nights for that matter.
I'm not doing the job I enjoyed so much, the one I prepared so hard for in school.

My days are filled with getting my son off to school, cuddling with my 3 year old and then dealing with her tantrums.
Potty training, singing 'You are my Sunshine', teaching my children how to pray, cleaning house, helping Roo with homework, volunteering at his school, baths, bedtime stories and kisses. And then it starts all over again the next day.

This is not what I dreamed my life would be when I was a Freshman in College deciding on my major. It's not the life I thought I wanted. But this is what I was put on this earth to do. To love my two precious children and teach them about the one who loves and created them.
Peace and contentment is what I feel on this cold night snuggled in the in this room surrounded by Christmas lights and the family I never thought I wanted.

So while I don't have fancy certificates on my wall or photo albums filled with fancy get aways with my husband and friends I wouldn't trade this life for anything in the world.

I have a feeling that when we think we know what is best for us and what we will be happier doing, God is just looking down on us shaking HIS head and quietly laughing saying "if you only knew what I have in store for you my child."

I'm happy for my friend and all that she has achieved. I'm in no way saying it's wrong to be ambitious or that you can't have a career and children! I know several women who do both beautifully!


6 comments:

LAURA said...

I love this post!

It is so easy to compare our lives to others and think for a moment that we don't have it all... but you know what. I'm like you... I would rather have my family than a few fancy vacations. Not saying I wouldn't love a fancy vacation... just that when it comes down to it it really doesn't matter how much or how little I have traveled. At the end of my life I probably won't be saying "I wish I wouldn't have kids so early so that I could have had a few more big vacations." or "I wish I would have had a career instead of being a stay at home."

Thanks for sharing your thoughts.

christy rose said...

What a beautiful post Kee! I love that you love your life at home with your babies. Because you know what? Soon that time in your life will come to an end and the career can always come later. And, you still get the best of both worlds. Sounds like God's path brings great reward that we can't even imagine, huh? He is so smart!!! :)

He & Me + 3 said...

My life isn't how i planned it either, but it feels so good to be content in life no matter what the road we took to get where we are. God's plan is always better than ours anyways. YOur family is beautiful and though your life is tough at times physically, you are truly blessed.
Hugs,
Mimi

nancygrayce said...

Oh, Kee, how I loved those words! I wonder if any of us are living the life we planned! I wanted to be a doctor.....I didn't even go to college!

Your life is just what God ordered!

Jennifer @ Getting Down With Jesus said...

Amen, sister! I, too, also had my life ALL planned out.

But God's plan is bigger ... and better.

You are a precious, beautiful soul! I'm glad He's drawn you to this place in your life. For you are LIVING your life for HIS GLORY!

Shayla said...

LOVE IT!!!

I think this is a great post to look back on when you are sturggling with your future-alot of times when things DONT go the way you want it turns out SO MUCH better!!!!

God knows what we truly need :)