Who Am I Wednesdays

*A thankful daughter who is glad to have her mother home, thank you God.

*A daughter who never thought she would have to put diapers on her mother at the age of 60.

*A patient who finally got a diagnosis after 6 months of doctors making me think it's all in my head. (I will post about it tomorrow or Friday, promise :)

*A wife and Child of God ,whose husband is Catholic, searching for the truth and finding out some of what I have been taught all my life is not true.

*A mother who loves her son with all her heart but is so tired of hearing about Star Wars (I thought it was just a phase like Thomas the Train was but we are going on 2 yrs of this and I'm ready to move on :)

*A blogger who is amazed at all the friends she has made and encouragement she has received since starting this blog.

So who are you?
Confession is good for the soul.
Tell me in a comment or post it on your blog & let me know.

Remembering You on Your Birthday

We thought of you with love today
But that is nothing new
We thought about you yesterday
And days before that too
We think of you in silence
We often speak your name
Now all we have are memories
And your picture in a frame
Your memory is our keepsake
With which we’ll never part
God has you in his keeping
We have you in our hearts.

Kim, it does not matter how many years go by, you will never be forgotten. Thank you for all you taught me my first 16 years of my life and for all you taught me in your death.

Kimberly Dawn Mitchem
9/13/1974-10/08/1992

Ramblings from the PCU

*Mom is still in the hospital. She has been moved to the PCU because she was getting worse and they thought she had a bacteria infection in her blood. They keep doing blood cultures. On three mom has tested positive for an Infection in her blood. Two have come back negative. So they are doing more tests and hoping it's not a blood infection.

*My aunt won't push the doctors for information. It's driving me bonkers.
I can't be here 24/7.

*I felt normal for the first time in forever this morning when the 4 of us went to the soccer field to watch Roo play.

*I get the whole God is in control thing, but I really wish HE would take my advice just this once. I'm not ready to lose my mom.

*Tomorrow is my sisters birthday and this is the last place I want to be. We share the ICU waiting room and I know all to well what those families are going through and honestly while it should make me want to pray for them it makes me want to find the nearest exit.

*My son threw a penny in the wishing well down stairs and I asked him what he wished for, thinking it would be for Nana to get better, nope he wished for more Star Wars movies. Oh how I love that little guy, he said he didn't have to because God would take care of Nana.

*Soccer is just a game, I know parents want their children to win but for the love of Pete it's just a game.

*Iphones rock, unfortunately this one belongs to hubby.

Mom, God & Pink Roses

Thank you all for praying. I read your comments while waiting for them to find mom a room and they all really touched my heart. Shayla, you're right I do believe that verse was meant for me. It amazes me how God uses all of us in blog land to lift each other up with our prayers, words, songs and scriptures.

Mom's blood pressure and oxygen levels were dangerous low. She also has a bad kidney infection. They pumped antibiotics and fluids in her. She is still not eating or drinking and keeps saying she feel weird. So I have no idea what may be wrong or if's it's just the kidney infection. Her blood pressure is still low but not dangerously so.

Thank you again for your prayers, I did not fall apart. As soon as I stepped into the ER yesterday I immediately went in daughter protective medical mode. My aunt doesn't always ask the right questions and or push the way I do. She's a little more laid back and quiet when mom's in the hospital but I know I can't be because we have had too many mistakes made by doctors and nurses.

Please continue to keep us in your prayers.
I specifically needs prayers that my symptoms would stop at least until we can get her home. My aunt stayed with her last night and I am going to relieve her at lunch. I have to go shopping and run a bunch of errands that can't be put off any longer. And my legs are trying to give out on me, and my hands start trembling now and then. And my skin feels as if it's on fire. Usually that means a seizure is right around the corner but I'm not claiming that today. I know God can stop these symptoms dead in their tracks and I know HE will get us through this.

Every time mom goes into the hospital my thoughts go to my sister. How I wish she were here to make this all easier to carry. Sunday is her birthday, she would have been 35. On the way back from the hospital last night, I couldn't stop thinking about her. And so I let myself go there for the 10 min ride and had a little cry.

When I got home I went over to my neighbors house to let them know how mom was and when I got to their door I saw this beautiful tall rose bush full of beautiful pink roses. Now I have went to my neighbors door a hundred times and there has never been that many roses on that bush. I really haven't ever noticed them before.
I immediately get chills and tell my neighbor when he comes out how beautiful they are. He immediately takes out a pocket knife and cuts the fullest most beautiful rose that is there. (He did not know my sister and knows nothing about her, not even her name).

Pink roses were my sisters favorite. I buy them every year on her birthday.
Now it's sitting on my table. A reminder from God that HE sees my pain, he saw the tears fall in the car, HE sees the void that grows a little deeper when mom is sick.
And HE reminds me she's not that far away after all.

Health Update and LIVING Post of the Week

LIVING Post and pictures at the end.

I thought I would update you all about my health and what is going on in my life. I've gotten away from posting specifically about my health only because I don't want this blog to be taken over by that. I don't want my life to be taken over by my health issues. I want to LIVE and I want to document the living part more than the health struggles.

For those of you who are new and may not know what I am talking about I will try to fill you in quickly. If you are not new you may skip the green part. :)

The last few years I have had periods were I would lose all feeling in my hands and feet and couldn't do small tasks such as button a shirt. It usually would not last for more than a week. We didn't and don't have insurance so I just let it pass. Then in April of this year after losing about 40 pounds in 2 months it started to happen more frequently and I would be in severe pain some days. It finally got to the point where I had no feeling in my legs, could not walk and began to have seizures. I went to the ER and then was admitted to the hospital then transferred to another hospital. They could find nothing to explain what was happening. They final sent me home with no answers. I couldn't walk for months or do anything. I found a nero doctor that has put me on a lot of different meds that seem to be working but there is still no diagnosis.

I haven't had to use buddy (the walker) or speedy (the wheel chair) in quite a while. I have about one seizure a week now. I have always had them at home, thank God and never in front of my children.

I have been helping at Roo's school. I work as a teachers aide in the preschool class and I love it. I was already close to the teacher because she taught Roo last year. I work in there on Thursdays and Fridays, 7-11. I then work in the office from 11-2:30. I love it. I was a Social Worker and Children's Crisis Counselour before my oldest was born and while I have enjoyed being home with the kids for five years, I was ready to get back to working again.

It's hard on me physically but it helps mentally to be out of the house and feeling useful. By Friday afternoon I am exhausted and there are times when it's hard to walk into the house. I usually go to bed and that's where I stay most of the weekend to recoup from the two full days I work.

The school has been great and I take breaks when I need to and the teacher gives me activities to do with the class where I am mostly sitting down.

I go back to the neurologist on the 14th of this month. He has basically just thrown medicine at me and it has worked for the most part. However, I want a diagnosis and I plan on pushing him to keep searching for one. It's hard because I don't have insurance to pay for the tests he needs to continue to run before he can get a diagnosis.

The great news is, I got the medicaid spend down card (not sure if I have mentioned that here) They will pay everything I owe, $30,000 I just have to pay $5, 000 of that, I have no idea how we will do that but God does. It's really up to the providers, they could just take what medicaid pays them and not make me pay any more. The card is just to cover April and May, unfortunately.

My seizure medication is being paid for by the drug company. I found a place here that is out of the university of Ky that helps people get medicine straight form the drug companies. That saves us $175 a month. I still have to pay $100 for my other meds but we have been able to do that.

I still have severe pain on some days and other days I am fine, I just never know what the day is going to be like. But I am so thankful that I am 100% better than I was in April, May and June. I take it moment by moment and I'm trying to LIVE life to the fullest in the good moments.

_________________________________________________________

Speaking of living, here's my LIVING post for the week.

Jose and I went out for our anniversary last weekend. We went to our favorite Indian restaurant and then took in a movie. I was having a good day.

This day I LIVED.

Multitude Mondays 5-15

I've been thinking about my list for this week since I did the first one last week when I discovered Holy Experience.

I have been at times dumbfounded of what to thank HIM for because there are so many things and when I think of the small things they just seem too insignificant and then the big things seem too obvious. I guess that is why I have never written them down. But with each one that I write I realize that God has blessed my life with big and small blessings and I want to acknowledge every one of them.

I'm starting slow and praying that God will open my eyes to ALL that I have to be thankful for because there is so much I know that I don't even see. I have a long way to go to get to a thousand, but it's just part of my journey. So here is 5-15, some are big and some are small but I am so very grateful for them all.

5. HE loves me even though HE sees all the cracks in my character and mistakes I have made and keep making.

6. For this blog that has forced me to really look at myself and see not only what I need to change but also and almost more importantly the good parts that I never saw because I was being too critical of myself.

7. My daughter who does everything I do, may I be reminded of that daily and be a good role model for her always.

8. Music, that expresses what I can not at times.

9. No matter what color I choose to dye my hair after a few washes it always turns back to the natural red. (yes my hair is the natural color in my header picture but I play around with it often, it's a control issue but that's a whole nother post)

10. My sister would turn 35 this month and I have kept her memory alive.
11. Her green work jacket that still hangs at the back of my closet, I swear I can still smell her on it and it brings me unbelievable comfort when I need it.

12. The days I'm able to work at Roo's school, I feel so productive and love seeing him throughout the day.

13. Cookbooks, without them my family would starve.

14. Our king size bed, I love my hubby but also love my space when I'm sleeping.

15. Hearing my little girl saying she has the "pick-ups" when she gets the hiccups.

Who AM I Wednesdays

* The girl who still loves to walk in the rain.

* The wife & mother who needs to be more domestic.

* The child of God who's still afraid to turn it all over to HIM.

* The woman who refuses to be defined by her past or her illness.

* The 33 yr old who's still finding her way.

* The blogger who's finding she's enjoying revealing more & more about herself & in turn learning more about herself in the process.

So who are you?
Confession is good for the soul.
Tell me in a comment or post it on your blog & let me know.

Blog Hop, Baby Pics

Again, I couldn't pick my favorites. So I picked three for each of my babies. You can click to make bigger, especially to see the drool on Roo's chin. :)

Ruben Mateo

Marissa