We decorated the house tonight. There are lights, snowmen and angels all around. I had to do it my way though, I couldn't do it the same as we always have. So traditions are having to be altered, new ones made, old ones put aside for now. We have all new stockings, and mostly all new decorations that came from the Mighty Dollar (my all time favorite store).
We will keep the same Christmas ornaments because they are very special to us, we all get a new one each year. Putting up the tree is going to be the hardest because of all the memories the ornaments hold.
No, this path I'm on is not an easy one. My daughter turns 4 just 3 days after Thanksgiving so there is a party to plan. It seems to make the void that much bigger because mom is not here to help plan the party as she has been for the other three birthdays. But when you have kids life does not stop, you have to keep moving, keep living even if you don't feel like it.
I went into our Church today and knelt down and prayed. Not many words were uttered, but I'm pretty sure God heard it all in my tears. I felt a lot better after leaving. This journey is not going to be an easy one, especially in the coming months with all the Holidays but I will find my way the only way I know how....with HIS help of course.