Trust

Has always been such a hard concept for me to grasp. I want to have a plan, I want to know what people are going to do before I blindly hand my trust over to them.
I have always admired people who trusted others until given a reason not to. I have always thought people had to earn my trust first, it's not something I give out freely. This I am sad to say also applies to God as of lately, my world has been turned up side down and inside out. My sister is in jail for 5 years and was given too many chances to count and that makes me angry, husband has lost his job, his work is fighting his unemployment and we will be going to a  hearing over that in the next week or so.

My mom has been in PCI twice in the past month and we have almost lost her. My health, that was getting better, has plummeted. Friends that have been in my life for years have just walked out and my spiritual mentors tell me to trust God that it will all work out. 
I try and then get knocked right back down again and my flesh wants to say what is the point, trust is getting me no where.
We have no income, state assistance has still not arrived all though we have been approved for it since the day my husband lost his job on May 27. but have seen nothing.

No, God has never let me down, not once but still I doubt, still I question.  Hubby went for his first interview today, but I dare not let myself hope for fear of disappointment. And I have to say to myself, where is the faith I once had so fervently. I can pray for others and believe for others and trust that God will take care of them but when it comes to myself, it just doesn't seem to be there.

Dear Lord, I ask that you help me trust in you. Help me not to worry about tomorrow for you said in your word that you will take care of tomorrow. Work on my heart, on my mind, and mend this broken heart of mine so that I can once again cast my cares upon you.

Please keep my family in your prayers and I will do the same for any requests you may want to post.

Full Update and Still Learning to Trust in Him

I know I have been away and there have only been a few updates about all that has been going on in my life. It's hard to explain why I haven't been here, I've sat here many nights with my hands on the keyboard and nothing came out. There seemed to be so much to say that I didn't know where to start so it was easier just to say nothing. But I do miss you all so much and decided I would just start typing and see what came out.

I will update you on all the things you have prayed with me about and all the situations that took place on this journey that you have taken with me over the last year.

My health has greatly improved. They finally put me on Lyrica and found a program that I can get it through for free. It has worked so well for me. I am only in bed one or two days a week compared to five or six. I can walk and have little trouble with my legs. The tremors are gone.
I can get up and do things without being in pain and I haven't had a seizure in about 5 months. Thank you God.

My little sister  (not biological) was in rehab and had been sober for four months. She got out of rehab and relapsed and broke the terms of her probation. She is now serving a 5 yr prison sentence with a possibility of parole in 2 years. Please pray for her and her two small children that are being raised by thier Grandmother, they are 5 and 1.

I'm posting about this situation only because I believe so much in the power of prayer and our family needs it right now more than ever. My husband lost his job recently and it was not in the best circumstances. That experience has put me in a very bad place because I'm finding it hard to be forgiving to some of the people involved.
I know God will provide, he always has but I also can't help but worry. I look back and think about times HE has come through for us, too many to name, but there are a few on here. He came through on Thanksgiving, proved the doctors wrong about my FIL, worked a miricle for Ruben to attend school when I saw no way HE made one, He took care of thousands of dollars of my medical bills because we do not have insurance. And He has came through so many more times, if HE did all of that, HE will make a way now where I do not see one with my physical eyes.

It looks impossible to me when I look at all of our bills and is so overwhelming when I think of everything that could happen if my husband does not find a job soon. We had no plan B, but I guess that is when you turn to God and follow HIS plan, the one HE has had all along.

I covet your prayers and know that prayer works, so please keep our family in your prayers. And if you have something you would like me to pray about please leave it in the comment section or email me. I would be honored to pray for you and whatever circumstance you may be going through because I know our family is not the only one going through difficult times, some are facing situations that are so much worse. As Christians we need to all come together and pray for each other!

Hold On

Life is ever changing. One day things are great, the next your world can turn on a dime. But you have to hold on to the hand of the ONE who never changes. If you are fearful or your world seems to be falling apart, hold on to His hand. I promise HE won't let go.

Scroll down to the bottom and pause my music player to listen to this.

What I've Been Up To (pics included)

I've been away for a while, reason being I feel like I don't have a lot to say. There's so much noise in my head that I just want quiet. Going through this Lenten season I have asked God to just help ,r talk less, listen more and I have tried to cut out the chatter, you know the conversations you have with people that really mean nothing, so that I can focus more on him. Now I'm not saying you should never have those kind of conversations I think it's vital that we connect with people on that level. However, for me I have needed to just Be Still and listen to HIM and only HIM.

My little sister is in rehab with almost 50 days sober. She's getting ansy, I'm hoping she will stay. I haven't talked with her and not sure my body could make the four hour trip to see her but I send her letters constantly and pray for her everyday. She is not in the best physically condition she needs liver treatments but they won't let her leave the program, she could leave but they would not let her come back, to get them. I know God can take care of that until she gets out and is able to be able to get the medical care she needs.

I have never so much as planted a flower in my life but I decided that I wanted to redo our entire front yard. So I bought a yellow rose bush, transplanted the red one that was already out there and Hubby and I went shopping and did the landscaping this weekend in the mud and rain. When I decide to do something there is no talking me out of it, maybe it's a red headed thing I'm not sure :)
So we bought the mulch and the rock border and the flowers of which we knew nothing about and went to work.
Here is what we have accomplished so far. The first two pictures are the only before pictures I could find and they are of Marissa goofing around.

I didn" like the yellow plants at all, they only bloomed for a few days then died off, so they are all gone now.

Jose and Ruben laying down tarp and stones.

Marissa could not be left out either!

Finished projected sourt of. It will take the flowers a litte while to bloom and grow (if they even do) I"m gonna to get more decorations for the gardens. But I love the red mulch and brick. I will have to take a picture of the whole house when we are done so you can see how well it goes together.

This is the other side we have not done yet, will do red mulch and same red stone. Those are Moses bushes, turn green in summer and red in fall. I think I will keep them. Beside them are my roses, you can't really see them and of course they haven't bloomed yet.

I think we did pretty good for people who have never planted a thing in their life and never landscaped anything before.

But what I found amazing was the feeling I got afterward. I realized this is our home, not the building so much, but it's where our kids will remember planting their first garden and helping daddy make their first tire swing.
We have been here two years but it has taken that long for me to finally realize that it's really mine. I never had a home growing up. We moved so much and could never plant a garden, have pets or paint our walls. So I'm just getting used to the fact that I can do that here.
Our (I say our but I'm kinda dragging my hubby along on this projects) next project is to pain the shutters on the outside of the windows white.

Then finish Rissa's room with bright green and pink polka dots since it's already painted bright piglet pink and she is over Winnie the Pooh.

Well better get some sleep, just noticed the time. Miss you all in blog land. Hope to try and post more and get around to other blogs also.

Blessings,

I'm Still Breathing ( pic to prove it :)

*It's been hard at times.

*But everytime I have cried out he has been there, he's carried me alot this year and it's only Feb.

* I suspect He will continue to do that till I can stand on my on two feet again.

* Storms keep rolling in and He doesn't always calm them but when He doesn't, he calms me, so what more can I ask for.

* I'm still working on myself on "Finding my Way" not sure how long that will take or if it will ever be something that is finished.

* I'm better most days physically, depression seems to set in from time to time but I'm fighting that.

*Starting my first flower/landscaping project for the first time in 33 years, have no clue what I'm doing so any tips for the beginning gardner would be gratefully appreciated. Just have to wait for all this snow to clear and ground to unfreeze. We live in midwest/South really, I want to keep in simple with little up keep but also pretty, so keep that in mind. So comment away my fellow blogger that happen to be green thrumbers! :)

* I have also tried to start knitting, Roo's teacher is trying to teach me, don't laugh, but I have yet to master the slip knot, .......hey I heard that....yes you the one laughing in the background, I will get it though I am a determined redhead! :)

Hope all is well with you. I have missed you all. Just didn't have it in me to right about all that was going on, so I will probably start keeping it short and simple for a while.

In Jan. God laid something on my heart that I really needed to try to do more of......JUST BREATHE....no worrying....no anger,.,..no hurrying.... JUST BREATHE. And focus on all the things I have always said I wanted to do in my life, from the very smallest to the biggest and get those done. I'm not getting any younger ya know.

So I'm teaching my self a lot and learning a lot from others. And working on my relationships with  God, hubby, kids, family and friends because I had let those slide in the last year and those matter most.

So JUST BREATHE!

Let Me Tell Ya 'bout My Guy

This little guy is wise beyond his years.

He's more compassionate than most adults I know.

He has no problems doing the chores I assign because as he says 'that's what family does, we all have to do our part."

He fills my days with joy and makes my tomorrows brighter and he would do that even if he were not mine.

Oh and he cracks me up, like when he asked why his shoes had check-marks on them?

Thank you Lord for entrusting him to us.

My Wacky Wednesday List

*Today I enjoyed the sound of kids laughing down the hall at school.

*Yesterday I got a hipper hair style, the word has to show my age.

*I'm losing more of the weight I have been gaining due to the meds because they have switched me to more meds but with less side effects or shall I say different side effects.

*I'm still going through my spiritual awakening, still not sure where that journey is going to lead me but I have already learned so much.

*Somehow I have lost my spell checker thingy on my blog and I am, as you will soon see, a horrible speller, so spell checker please please return to me.

Starting Anew

Ther have and will be many changes in the next few weeks around here. The direction of this blog will be changing because my life has undergone a lot of changes of it's on. It was just to painful and honestly there was just no time to blog about it on here. I have kept and journal and when and if I fell lead I will ahare some things with you.

I see this blog being more of just jotting things done, funny things, lists, adventures, crazy ramblings, whatever comes to mind. I don't want to put myself in a box and feel pressured to write about any one thing or in any one format because that is when I write about nothing at all.

But I do want to continue this blog, for I have come so very far and continue my journey which started all because of one blogger stepping off her perch :) and stopping by our family blog and leaving a comment. I have continued to be blessed beyound measure.

So this year, I'm starting anew and the words I say to myself atleast 10 times a day is "Just Breath Kiesha, All you really have to do in this moment is take it all in and breathe, one moment at a time." Who knows maybe I will change the name of the blog this year.

Hope to see you around, it's a new year, a new start. There is so much living to do. I hope you all will join me.
God Bless