Remembering You on Your Birthday

We thought of you with love today
But that is nothing new
We thought about you yesterday
And days before that too
We think of you in silence
We often speak your name
Now all we have are memories
And your picture in a frame
Your memory is our keepsake
With which we’ll never part
God has you in his keeping
We have you in our hearts.

Kim, it does not matter how many years go by, you will never be forgotten. Thank you for all you taught me my first 16 years of my life and for all you taught me in your death.

Kimberly Dawn Mitchem
9/13/1974-10/08/1992

TMAT, Part 1, The Event that Changed my Life Forever

Today is Tell Me About It Thursdays over at Sandys blog, One Day at a Time.
This weeks theme is tell me about "An event in your life that changed your life forever"

Ok, so I have to admit when I saw this weeks theme one event came to my mind and I wanted to run. I wanted to shut the computer down and forget about joining Sandy this week.

You see God has been prompting me to share this story for so long and I have refused.
Oh, I have mentioned bits and pieces here and there thinking that would be enough for Him, that I wouldn't have to write it all down. Then I see today's theme and it was like it was meant for me and He won't let me avoid it this time.

There are many reasons I have avoided it. One, it will be long so I will have to do it in parts. Two, I am afraid that I won't be able to find the words to describe it and honor the people involved in the right way. And three, even after 17 yrs it's painful.

I have to give a little background first.

It was June. 1992, my mom, my sister Kim (17), and I (16) had moved to KY from Al. We had no family, it was just the three of us. We met DD, who I now refer to as my aunt, through church revivals. She lived in KY and we found ourselves in a place where my we pretty much had no one and my sister had quit school to help support us. My mom was disabled but still worked two jobs. Kim had gotten in with the wrong crowd and was making bad decisions. So mom thought it best to move us to KY for a fresh start.

We did know a few people, one being Shelly who we had known for years. We met her the same way we did DD. Shelly (28) had three kids, K (8), Jamie (4) and S (15 months). Shelly was full of life and constantly pulling pranks and making our adjustment as easy as possible. Her children made it even easy because I was totally in love with each of them and loved playing with them every minute possible.

We lived with DD while mom searched for an apartment. Kim and I had stayed with Shelly on and off, we loved her and her kids.

Fast forward to Sept. of that year.

Kim celebrated her 18th birthday on Sept. 13th. She had talked about this day for years. She always wanted to turn 18, it was a huge day in her life. If only we had known on that day she would only live 19 more days.
I remember going to DQ with her and sharing a peanut buster parfait, her blowing out the candles on her cake, her laughter on that day was infectious. I will never forget her smile while she opened her presents. No one dreamed it would be her last birthday.

She was my only sibling and we were 21 months apart. She was my world. Kim was the responsible one, so I didn't have to worry about being responsible. I was 16 and knew she was always there looking out for me, keeping me out of trouble, and protecting me.

Friday morning on Oct. 2nd, 1992 all that changed in a single moment.

Part 2, The Accident

We were staying with Shelly and on our way to meet my mom (a 40 minute drive) to look at an apartment she was going to rent for the three of us.

Shelly was not supposed to be with us but the night before her 15 month old had started running a fever and she decided to take him to the doctor. Her daughter K was at school, so we packed up Jamie and S and was on our way to meet my mom and take S to the doctor. I do not remember that morning or anything about it, a blessing from God really.

Two miles into our trip we had an accident involving another truck, head on collision. This was Friday and I don't remember a thing until the following Tuesday.

I woke up and heard music, saw this big blue curtain, and these people with masks. It had to be a dream, I tried and tried to wake up. I remember telling myself, Kiesha just wake up and you will be back at Shelly's in bed beside Kim.

It wasn't a dream. I was in surgery. My fifth in five days. They could not put me under again so they did a local and were repairing my right hand. Ligaments had been torn in my hand, they were repairing those and doing plastic surgery on my hand.

After recovery they took me back to my room. It was full of friends we had made, one of my mom's brothers, we had not talked to in 10 years So I knew it had to be bad. I immediately begin asking for Kim and Shelly. I kept saying "are they hurt like me, they can't be worse, they're going to be ok."

My mom started to cry, there was a nurse at the door with a shot in her hand standing ready to sedate me after I heard the news.
I wanted to close my ears, I thought if I didn't hear it then they would be ok. I wanted to scream at everyone to leave, I didn't want to hear what they had to say, what I already knew in my heart.

I saw my mom's lips moving heard the words, but I couldn't believe it, it couldn't be.

S was in Children's Hospital with only 2 broken legs. After hearing that the hope was beginning to creep in.
Then came words that no one can ever be prepared for.

Shelly had died on impact, Jamie, sweet little Jamie, lived only 3 days in a coma. Kim was in a coma but was not going to make it. They were taking her off life support the next day.

My mind could not comprehend any of this. I screamed! I was angry! How could this happen, God was this some sort of joke? I repeated all the reasons the three of them had to live, Shelly was a mother of three, Jamie was just 4, Kim was supposed to have taken her GED that Monday. She wanted to be a photographer.
Here I was only one of two who survived, the girl who had never wanted to live. The girl who had tried to commit suicide at 13 and failed. God had to be playing a cruel joke on me, there was no other reason I could see that He would take them and leave me.
I screamed I wanted to see Kim NOW, even if they had to roll me into her room on a stretcher. That is when I was told we were in different hospitals. Kim and I had been life lighted to two different hospitals, 160 miles apart. They were taking us all to Louisville but they lost Kim on the way and touched down at the nearest hospital with Kim and Jamie and continued on with S and I to Louisville.

I still can't imagine the hell my mom went through with us so far apart and having to leave one not knowing if the other one would be there when she returned.

That was when the nurse sedated me because I don't remember anything until the next day when mom called to talk to me about donating Kim's organs. We donated her organs and the day on her death certificate says Oct. 8 but I have always felt like she died Oct. 2nd because she never woke up and the 2nd was the last time I ever saw her.

Kim's funeral was on Sunday. The doctors would not clear me to go because I had a broken neck, shattered pelvis, broken arm and ankle and could not even sit up.

I helped mom plan the funeral from my hospital bed. I picked out flowers and songs. Kim's best friend picked out her outfit and brought it for my approval. A beautiful dark pink suit.
My best friend from Al. came and stayed with me during Kim's funeral.

It was all so surreal, my mind wouldn't let me accept it. I was just going through the motions trying to be strong for mom.

I didn't get out of the hospital for another 6 weeks and went through 2 years of physical therapy. The doctors said I would never walk, I disagreed. It was the least I could do after they had lost their lives. I was determined to be ok, I wasn't sure how I would live without them, without Kim but I knew I owed it to them to try.

I have lots of scars and have never once been upset about them. They remind me of what was lost and that I was given a second chance at life. Don't get me wrong it took many many years to learn to enjoying life, to understand that God wasn't playing a cruel joke and there was a reason I lived and they did not.

I love my life now and going through all of that changed me forever. My life will always be defined by before (the accident) and after (the accident).

I learned so many lessons from that and it took years but I could finally see God in every step of it. Maybe that will be Part 3 of this, Learning to Live without my Sister. But this has taken me all day and I am drained.

Thanks for taking the time to read this, it's the first time I have ever written this much about it.